What do you say to your kids?

[Sophie]

Anyone who's had the "talk" with kids and can share what worked, and what didn't, I'd like to know. It seems there's so much to discuss: safe sex, testing, different diseases, pregnancy, and having a healthy, nonabusive relationship.

What did you say when you tried to cover all that?

Thanks!
Sophie

[Winnie Spence Church]

What did you say when you tried to cover all that?

*Don't be afraid to talk to me if you have questions

*I'd rather you not have sex just yet but when you do, use protection

*Oral sex and anal sex are SEX and you need protection, every time

*Think beyond pregnancy: the pill won't protect you against STDS

*Don't ever stay with someone who hits you, controls you, or makes you feel small and like you're dependent on them

*Get help - talk to me if you need, and call hotlines that offer guidance on dealing with abuse.

[getSTDtested Administrator]

Hi Sophie,

I'm glad you came here with your question. Talking to your kids about sex and everything that surrounds the subject can definitely be quite difficult, especially because they usually want nothing to do with that conversation. I would suggest doing a little bit of research first (as you obviously are, great start!) and making some mental notes or "bulletpoints" for yourself before you approach the conversation. For example, what do you want to discuss with them and what are the most important points that you want to get across to them. Make sure that you've planned a way to discuss those subjects in a clear, straightforward, open-minded, and pleasant manner. Also, prepare for this to end up a pretty one-sided conversation, at least to start. Your kid will likely stay pretty quiet through "the talk" and want to get out of there as quickly as possible. This is totally normal, the MOST important thing is to leave them with a sense of trust and openness. Your primary goal in having the sex talk with your teen is to make sure that they know that they can trust you, that they can come to you with any questions or problems they may face and you will be there for them, to support them and help them and NEVER judge them. Let your child know that you really do understand what they're going through, that you know how difficult and complicated young relationships and teen life can be and that no matter what, you love them, you want nothing more than for them to be happy and healthy and safe, and there's nothing they can't come to you with if they're ever struggling with anything or wondering about anything. I hope this helps at least a little bit. Remember, establishing trust and communication with your child is the most important thing. After that, you just need to look out for them, use your parental instincts and don't ever be afraid to talk to them if you ssnse something might be going on. They may be too afraid to talk to you, but you are the parent, and that's your job. Please don't hesitate to come back with any more questions or let us know how things are going! Good luck, you're already doing what every good parent should do, which is reaching out. Two thumbs up!

[terry]

I told my daughter that I have been hearing so much about peer pressure related to sexual promiscuity and how people are saying that teens don't consider oral sex as having sex. I asked her opinion about this as it relates to her school crowd and her views on this. This allowed a conversation to occur, albeit a bit uncomfortable at first, but I was able to discuss the risk to STD's and pregnancy in a way that was not overbearing and at least I feel like I did my job to do the best I can in protecting my child's health. I also suggested she log into this site to learn more on her own from peers and experts (thanks for hosting). I hope this helps a little, good luck.

[Miss Agnes]

Having some brochures or fact sheets that are on a teen's level might be a good idea, too.

[cupid2787]

Sexual health is not just about sex--it includes the roles, behaviors and values people associate with being a man or a woman. Educating a child about sexual health is an important part of his or her healthy development. Their early understanding of sex, love, intimacy and their own sexuality can help mold their values, behavior, and even their self-image, for a lifetime. After all, you are your child's first and most important teacher. Loving and caring parents actively discover a child's needs for information and then find ways to fill those needs. Even adolescents in their mid-teens are still learning from you.