Is telling a partner always necessary?

[Cartman]

Do you always have to tell a partner if you've been diagnosed with an STD like herpes? I mean, isn't there a good chance they won't get it, especially if you use protection?

[Victoria]

Hi Cartman,

It is a good idea to discuss STDs like herpes with a new partners, and this is for a couple of reasons. One, it keeps you from having to deal with risk reduction on your own. By discussing it, you can decide together what's the best way to go about protecting your partner (using condoms and/or herpes meds, for example). Also, it makes it much easier for you to not have sex during times of an outbreak. Plus, it shows your partner respect.

I understand why you might feel reluctant to do this, and you're not the only one who's struggled with this, believe me! Studies have shown again and again that most partners DON'T leave when they find out someone has herpes, and while couples can't eliminate risk of transmission, they can certainly take steps to reduce the risks significantly. This usually involves some combination of 1) not having sex during outbreaks, or anytime there is itching/tingling or symptoms you think could be related to herpes; 2) using condoms consistently (they protect for the skin they cover); and 3) some people get a prescription from their health care provider to take herpes antivirals every day (doing so with one drug, Valtrex, has shown to reduce transmission by about half).

Read more on this site at http://getstdtested.com/forum/herpes...rpes-faqs.html.

[cyeo]

Hi,
Just a quick response to the post by Cartman, which is a very good question. Sharing with anyone that you have an STD is embarrassing, mostly due to the nature of the disease and the bad stereotypes floating around about those who have STDs. Beyond just embarrassing, though, the fear of rejection or abandonment can make it that much harder.

I would have to agree with Victoria. Even if you think there's a very very low possibility for your partner to catch the infection, it's very important to let your partner know. It's much more about respect than anything else, although having two people watching out for the infection is certainly more helpful than one. If you don't tell your partner and they get infected unknowingly, they'll never know to protect themselves or others.

It can definitely be difficult, but it really is one of the best ways of preventing infection from spreading.

[Benni from Holland]

I tested positive for HSV-2, never had an outbreak but was tested after an ex told me they have it. She says she didn't know she had it while we were together and I'm not sure I believe her. If she did know, it was a lousy thing to not talk to me about. The funny thing is, it wouldn't have made a difference and I would have still been with her! We broke up for other reasons.

[Sal]

Originally Posted by Benni from Holland

I tested positive for HSV-2, never had an outbreak but was tested after an ex told me they have it. She says she didn't know she had it while we were together and I'm not sure I believe her. If she did know, it was a lousy thing to not talk to me about. The funny thing is, it wouldn't have made a difference and I would have still been with her! We broke up for other reasons.

I've done some reading since being diagnosed with herpes and found out that most partners actually don't end a relationship when they find out someone has the virus. It's not the deal killer I thought it would be. There might be some bumps in the road, someone here or there who won't want to deal with it, but for most new partners it's not the big deal you might think.

[Benni from Holland]

Originally Posted by Sal

I've done some reading since being diagnosed with herpes and found out that most partners actually don't end a relationship when they find out someone has the virus. It's not the deal killer I thought it would be. There might be some bumps in the road, someone here or there who won't want to deal with it, but for most new partners it's not the big deal you might think.

Yeah, I've seen some of that too and it does make me feel better. It's important to learn as much as you can, and that's why I go to sites like this. Plus, it's just good to talk it over with someone who knows where I'm coming from.