Telling a new person about your STD

[maguz]

Hi - I have had a test in 2007 which told me that I am positive for HSV 2 but since I never had any outbreaks or signs whatsoever, I was in denial about the results. I had the testing done just as a precautionary measure. I was newly divorced and wanted to eventually date and possibly find a new relationship long term with a man. I went for my yearly gyno exam and asked the doctor to perform std testing. During my marriage, I found out later, that my husband had been unfaithful and with prositutes. This added to the need. Anyway, when it came up I was in denial. I still acted as if and told two men that I later had relationships, up front about the test. So that they could make a decision. Those relationships each ended and I was alone for over a year. I recently met a new man and we began dating and really liked each other a lot. He indicated that he wanted testing done and I felt that I should and it would be a good way for me to know without doubt that I was indeed positive for HSV 2. I am sad to say I was and when I told him, he thought about it for a few days but ultimately made the decision not to continue our relationship. Even though we had been fairly sexually active and I fear that even the amount of phsycial contact we had, may have exposed him. I get mixed answers as to whether you can transmit or not. I have never ever felt that I had any kind of symptom. I am just sad and venting here - I know that there is no answer, but now I have no doubt that I am positive and am afraid, now that I have lost this man, to tell another down the road. I will - I cannot do anything but the right thing here. BUt, the implication of feeling dirty or tainted - well, I cannot shake it. I am a good and honest person but very much want a companion for the long journey of life. I am scared though now that I will not have that because of this experience. I guess I just want to hear what others have experienced and when is the right time to tell someone. I feel uncomfortable on the first date, but really don't want to have my hopes dashed again. Thank you for reading and responding.

[Huzzah!]

Hey,

You're definitely not the only one who feels that way, and I know it can be tough. Herpes is not always active, but it's tough to always know when it is. It's obvious during an outbreak the virus can be given to a partner, but there are a few days a year when herpes can be active and potentially transmitted even without symptoms. There are probably not very many such days, however, and they decrease over time. The point is there are steps you can take to reduce the risks: 1) not having sex during an outbreak, 2) using condoms (effective for the skin they cover), and 3) talking with your doctor about using herpes meds every day as part of a "suppressive" therapy program...one med, Valtrex has shown to reduce transmission risks by about half when taken daily.

You are not alone! Nearly 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. has genital herpes, and up to 80% are estimated to have oral herpes. For more on talking to a partner, go to http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes...lationship.cfm.